That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
