Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
