I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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