Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I party with great urgency now.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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