it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
