Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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