Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
