He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
They have beer where we have blood.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
