I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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