hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
