my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize