11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
