There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
