im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
