this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He told me they were just razor bumps!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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