We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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