what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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