you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
