Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
