Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
