I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
