Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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