Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
