Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
