i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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