Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
