It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
