forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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