Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Everclear isn't food dammit
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
