I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
