how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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