is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize