Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
