Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
