Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
