"it" just moved
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
