No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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