oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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