I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
