I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
she peed on how many people?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
