JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Randomize
