Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
