i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
