i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
