How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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