Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
