Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize