Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
