The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize