Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
