Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
