Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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