I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
