I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize