Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
