Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
