awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize