This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
