This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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