hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
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