I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
