So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
