Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
