also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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