my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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