Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
